i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
