She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We left the knife in your bed.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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