just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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