Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
