The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
