let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think my moral compass just broke
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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