Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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