Your mouth is God's brothel.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
