if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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