may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
