you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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