yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
