i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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