I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
