Where is the hickey?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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