giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
