i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
