i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
