I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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