I have demons in me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
