Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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