when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
