we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and you fell through a lawn chair
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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