I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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