He felt like a one man threesome
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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