i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
