goodnight i made you a song goodbye
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
