Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
