Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
