I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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