Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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