is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
