Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
