I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
