Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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