quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
