I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
