best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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