The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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