I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
