I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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