That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
