I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
