Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
