It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
