o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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