How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
