How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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