It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we're making bets on your personal life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
