is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
