After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
