but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
