The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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